It doesn't end.

I hurt my back back in March. Had to quit my job because I could no longer perform my regular duties and since than have been applying for jobs and undergoing a slow but wisely methodical interview process for a local urban ministry.

We have recieved support from family and friends both monetarily and in practical "triplet sitting" help. This is an extraordiary grace to both Danae and I. Our sons one day will give thanks for this also. God is good.

I have been depressed lately. As a husband and father I feel miserable for not being able to provide for my family. Sometimes I feel an accusation saying thing like, "You are worse than an infidel!"

It really sucks not being able to "do" what I need to do as a husband and father.

The worst part is that my back is doing the major contribution to this problem. It is not getting any better. I have on multiple occassions become rendered inoperative because my back fails me. I cannot pick up my sons, put them in their cribs, take them out of their cribs, throw them around and play with them.....just one subtle move wrecks me!

Yesterday before Danae and I head off to get some coffee and just be out alone together I sneezed and it just sent my back into an outa whack spaz fit.....like a surge of electrical nerve screams ripping through my lower lumbar yelling...."I'm gonna kill you bitch!!!"

It happened again today. I was in the kitchen and I sneezed....."I'm gonna kill you, you infidel bitch!"

I use the word "bitch" for humor sake. So laugh....it's okay, your not going to be a sinner for it.

Truth is it hurts like a bitch. Than again I have no idea how a bitch hurts. What does that mean anyway? Humans have a funny way of talking don't we? Today I read this,

"What I mean to insist upon is that spiritual writing - Spirit sourced writing - requires spiritual reading, a reading that honors words as holy, words as a basic means of forming an intricate web of relationships between God and the human, between all things visible and invisible. There is only on way of reading that is congruent with our Holy Scriptures, writing that trusts in the power of words to penetrate our lives and create truth and beauty and goodness...."

~ From "Eat This Book", by Eugene H. Peterson

Words are holy. A gift. Given to us. Like everything else.
I realize that words shouldn't be used flippently. We curse and bless with our tongues.
We can create life and destroy life with our tongues by our words.

With that said, I like talking and writing. With communicative seriousness, drama and employing levity as well. I hope to use words in it's proper way to challenge, provoke, stir, enlighten, confess, command, affirm, humorize, praise, sing and express my frustrations, pains and fears. Amen.

My back is not getting any better. I cannot do what I once did labor wise. In some sense I am "screwed!"

I am trying to get better. Exercise my back. But it's going to be a very slow process. Maybe one day I will be able to play frisbee again.

Untill then, pray for my back, my family and that I would get this much desired labor opportunity for an urban ministry to homeless and at-risk youths of my city Indianapolis.

Encouragement of the day; Eat a book!



~Michael J. Williams~

Yes, that is me.

An old friend of mine used me as a model for his work back in the day.
He has a new website up now in which he exhibits his portfolio and offers his creative skill for service.

This is a self-portrait of Michael. Between Danae and I he reminds us of Robert Downey Jr. and David Blaine. :)

Click on the title "Michael J. Williams" above for his website. Peruse through it.

Michael your a damn good artist my man!


Our friend "Leechy."

Love from the Mesa's.


A Mighty Forehead

I love my wife Danae.
She cuts my hair.
She has always cut my hair since we've been married.
She has always givin me good cuts.
She puts up with my "anal" demands of what I want "and so forth."
Yesterday she cut my hair.
I like everything about the cut except........the mighty forehead.

Like she said, "It'll grow back quick."
indeed it will. It does grow back quickly. I can't wait.

Now I look like my son Asher. For he too has a Mighty Forehead.

At least it's not the Rooster.


Lesslie Newbigin on reason and knowing.

"....the exercise of human reason is something which takes place not in a vacuum, but within a socially embodied tradition of rational discourse. No reasoning is possible except by the use of language, and language expresses the way in which a particular body of human beings has learned to grasp and cope with the world. In that sense human reason can never be totally autonomous. But the rationalism of modern culture has never accepted the idea that it was finally and irrevocably dependent on a particular tradition of human reasoning. The aim (of modern thought) has been to subject every tradition to the scrutiny of reason, including every tradition which claimed to embody a particular divine revelation to one group of people. Yet, as Alasdair MacIntyre has shown (In his book "Whose Justice? Which Rationality?"), it is an illusion to suppose that there is available to us some kind of pure rationality existing in a disembodied state and therefore capable of passing judgement on all the various ways of grasping truth developed in particular socially embodied traditions of rational discourse."

"The Gospel In A Pluralist Society" Pages 81-82.

"No one can grasp and make sense of what is given in Scripture except by the use of reason, and-similarly-reason does not operate except within a continuing tradition of speech which is the speech of a community whose language embodies a shared way of understanding. Reasoning is a faculty with which we seek to grasp the different elements in our experience in an ordered way so that, as we say, they make sense. It is not a separate source of information about what is the case. It can onlly function within a continuing linguistic and cultural tradition."

"The Gospel In A Pluralist Society" Page 53.


loving to be.

I am a time-traveler.
I have left the "Tw.." and have entered the "Th.."

A milestone in the space & time continuum.

The past ten years of life have been an incredible journey of discovery. But it is not a discovering of "I have discovered". Rather it is a discovery of "it has been revealed to me."

While I am a "self", this self is nothing...no one without the "us", the "all of us".
Identity is beyond the one and is a part of the many.

A "reinvention" if you will, of the name of Jesus the Christ has occurred to me. Beyond the narrow confines of Twentieth Century western thinking through the passages of time spanning every spoken tongue and race of mankind He stands to me as the epitome of what it means to be human and still remains enigmatic and ineffable to me. He is like a Lion that cannot be caged or contained by any man. He cannot be deterred by the tranquilizers of man's distorting imaginations. He stands above our feeble attempts to figure Him out.....and yet He is immanent to us, personal, intimate and aggressively communing with us today. A man of sorrow...a man acquainted with grief......a man who knows our sorrows.....a man who knows our grief.

My little Kingdom on Drexel Ave. is one of the most beautiful conundramatic realities.
Danae my wife; her beauty....in her brokeness.....mingling with God's strength and flowering aromatic splendor of feminine wonder truly humiliates and breaks my heart. She is a mystery to me....and I am captivated by my sister. There can be no other mother to my sons.....no other lover in this world who has touched me and moved me to be a man; to pursue the path of becoming what I was and am to be.
In my little Kingdom on Drexel Ave. is one of the most profoundest of miraculous "super-natural" beings.
Aidan a flame, Jonah a spiritual dove and Asher my blessed little happy meal serve to bring me the humor and joviality of God the Father. They also serve to bring me a great humiliating surrender to the beauty of life and it's awful fragility.

I love my life..

In this intensely broken reality where all things are paradoxically made right via the ills of life I give praise to the mysterious Other; the beauty and wonder which is the center of all of life and without whom we would not at all "be"; God the Father, God the Son and God the Spirit.........blessed is your name.


Before....After: flux in fixedness.

I did.

I feel born-again.

I am not kidding you.

Hello Massiel.