9.30.2006

I heard her voice in the marketplace.

...oversimplyfying and reductionistic tendencies,
preoccupations with precision,
isolate's one and marginalizes another.

Restrictive categories of thinking and limited vocabularies
diminish our understanding and experiences.

We are left hungry and thirsty for more that would speak to us,
intimately.

Everything begins with faith.

Faith seeking understanding.

We believe in order to know..and in order to know we must believe.

We must trust...is there any other way?

Mastery is not our portion.

Arrogance is in the church.
I see him and her living their thinking so.
These triumphalistic attitudes deprive us of the greatest of noble virtues of being; Humility.

When we are not humble in how we know, live and do, we cease to know, live and do.

9.29.2006

urgent prayer request (UPDATE) #3

my cousin Jeremy and his girlfriend Miranda just gave birth to their baby boy, Tristan last night and the baby is not doing good. it is in a special hospital so please pray that the baby makes it and whatever happens, that the parents and everyone will be comforted and supported by God, family, friends. Thank you!!!


UPDATE:

Just found out that at 12:30pm, Tristan became a doner for other needy babies; a baby in Washington gets his liver, and another gets his heart. I heard Jeremy woke up this morning and said Tristan is a hero. He truly is, and even tho we don't understand why he couldn't have a chance in this life, he is with Jesus now, and we will see him one day and all our questions and sadness will be over and finally there will be no more tears, pain and suffering. Please continue to pray for Jeremy and Miranda.
-anonymous

a poem for you

we did not ask for this life
we are here
we have good times
we have bad times
we seek answers
to our big question
and then my son's wakes up from his nap because of the damn dog next store.
so i can't finish t his,

what's the point!!!!!

9.28.2006

Mrs. Sandlin's post *click*

wills, funeral plans, etc.

Look How Handsome!!


Migue in the Middle.

The Muttens are quite an appeal.

9.26.2006

Perfect Love

I wish I could be a big ball of love.
Lovin everyone in the perfect way.
Always being a big ball of love.
Happy.
Lovely.
Content.
Giving freely
Oh. but that's not possible right?
So what does one do when fear visits?
Fear of being real. Saying what's really on the heart?
I am hesitant to blog about myself lately,
because I don't know what's right
and I don't like being vulnerable to people who don't respond.
but at the same time, I like to do it in hopes that people would loosen up and talk about their stuff.
Then I wonder if it's all rubbish. If it's foolish to talk to much.
So I don't know. I'm mad because I might be wrong.
I'm sick of being wrong.
I'm sick of not being able to be wrong.
I'm sick of lots of things..
I want true freedom.
I wish I could really worship God as He would so have me..
and I'm scared at what might have to happen in order for me to do that.
So. I'm a big ball of fear, longing for real love..longing for rest...to stop worrying.
Longing to be set free from sin.
Longing to understand how to live my life.. feel the feelings and thing the thoughts I should..
So what I've just done, has been vulnerable.
I suppose If it's bad, I will learn..
But I would have to challenge my pride, eh?
So what if my pride begs relentlessly that I crawl in a cave?
Then I need the support of folks who will tell me that they are very imperfect too.
Maybe that's why I'm big on hearing other people's stories.
I want to hear their sins.
I like confession.
It helps to heal and understand.
I like it when people are not afraid of being real, talking about their stuff.
I know it can be hard. but there is a real freedom there.
Comments anyone?

9.25.2006

Last night took forever for me to fall asleep. Had too much espresso.

Was going to post because i had the thoughts brewing and it was ripe for blogging.

But my battery died and the charger was across the room, would have woke up Mig and can't have that.

He needs his sleep.

Wanted to read this book I've started, Everyday Sacred.

Umm.

So I woke up early not by choice, and decided to have my 1st experience w/ coffee and reading before the boys woke up. It was nice...but then Jonah woke up not too long after.

So my day started and i waited for the boys' nap time so I could sleep.

But I got carried away and rearranged my furniture.

And it's not even done because I can't figure out how I want it.

So now I'm in my bed blogging and hoping I will put down the computer so I can take a nap.

I look forward to talking to people and really getting into mind intruiging conversation. Deep analytical sharing and pondering. I feel like that's one of the main hopes that keeps me feeling okay.

And I love Jessica Bullers!

9.18.2006

one time

my friend Jessica once told all of in the car, while she was driving, to sing. she demanded we "sing or get out!" and so i got really mad and got out of the car and walked to a friends house. i forget the friend. but this cracks me up i love it. i would have never rememberd that, and if someone demanded i sung now, i would probably out of a beat up submissive. what happened to me? i think i like the old me better sometimes!!

and yet this confuses me. it's interesting to htink about..so i thought i'd share.

and i know we can't assue i would sing now if someone demanded me. wella ctually i would not sing..because i dont like it much.

anyway, there's the best story ever!

Fun

Thanks Laura.

1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (first pet and first street name)
Katie Donovan

2. YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME: (grandfather/grandmother on your mom's side, your favorite candy)
Masil Taffy

3. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal)
Silvery-Blue Elephant

4. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born)
Brianne Indianapolis

5. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name, first 2 letters of mom's maiden name.)

Mesdafo

9.17.2006

Never in my life have I felt so "out of whack!", and yet so close to God.
A certain and absolute paradox is the development of a being under the nurture of a God who loves so violently.

(to me violence in this context means the most profound and aesthetically rich expression of love.)

and Danae say's, " WHO"S DAVID #2"?

9.13.2006

Lonliness
pain
questions
wandering
restlessness
love
repentance
peace
restoration
redemption
growth
hardships
funk
distortion
confusion
depression
guilt
fear
worry
anxiety
uncertainy
pleasure
sin
forgiveness
grace
longing
meaning
truth
questions
hope
circling
weaving
in
and
out
where
will
i
be
tomorrow
in
ten
years
in
1
year
only
God
knows
but
i
want
true
freedom
and
mystery
and
adventure
and
true
rest
the
end.

9.10.2006

Alright I have something

I just realized my hero's are my little super hero sons. They are so beautiful. So precious. Words really do not explain my love and amazement at them. I watched the first third of The Emporers Club tonight and the boy in it reminded me of Asher. So I watched the movie thinking of that boy as my son, like.. " aww..he's so cute..he's like my chino." I call Asher "chino".

Soo..it's been a while since I've updated to my readers. I've been on myspace now, getting reunited w/ some old friends. It's been really really interesting. I'm excited about getting to know everyone now. It's been 6 years since our departure.<---sounds really adventurous, eh?

Well, so the myspace asked who my hero's were, and thought of my little super hero's. because i really call them super hero's at times. they love me, forgive me, haven't intentionally hurt me, and they were in my womb. i survived life w/ them..and im so thankful for them. i feel they are my best friends in a way..i see them the more than anyone on this earth. :) I'm on call for them 24/7.

For anyone who saw the passion of the christ, the part where jesus falls w/ his cross, and his mother see's him, and remembers back in her head to a place where she ran to jesus when he was young and hurt himself, and she ran to him quickly and tended to his need. she loved him passionately. and so when she see's the torture he goes through, and he falls w/ his cross, he is bloody..and he is doing it as someone who has not deserved the punishment.. and she runs up to him..and he says to her, " mother, see, i make all things new." and she cries..in amazement. she believes him. she knows he's right. she knows there is something there. does she know he's the messiah? i don't doubt it. and she love him just as much as his mother. he was her son. what mixed emotions. she let him go, she didn't try to end it. u know? man. anyway, before i even had kids, when i saw that movie.. i cried and was afriad i would weep loudly in utter pain, but it's intense. i know the love of a mother. and it is powerful. and it only makes me wonder at God's love for us. the "mother" in God. u know?

God has to be pretty amazing to have created love. And He is love. I want more of Him, He's the only thing that I CAN have, that is not forbidden. I'm willing. I'm ready to be captivated and raptured by the love of God. Take me away on a horse, like Braveheart. I know God won't really do this, but metaphorically speaking, I want to be free to worship God as my GOD.

what's going through your heads? i think everyone who has read this whole post should comment, you are obligated because if you endured this post, you have much to offer. you are a special being. :)

9.06.2006

look at the stah's

look how they shine faah youuuu..

9.02.2006

Happy 30th Josh!!!