12.31.2004

An ongoing conversation over the authority of holy scripture and the debate thereof sparked by an article (click here) written by Ben Shobert is going on over at Riley's place. It is a part two in published post, so if you want to join make sure to read where it started.

12.29.2004

Last nite was the first time I have been able to see footage of the the Tsunami's devastations. The pictures are incredible. The stories are even more frightening. I have seen footage of the "death field" were countless bodies are being heaped up and tossed into a mass grave for burning. The journalist rightfully commented, "there is no dignity in this burial..." because of the health issues that the mass of dead bodies pose to an already hurt part of the world. They must be disposed of quickly. Loved ones of the dead stand by weeping and covering there noses because of the stench of death that was causing people to pass out. One 30 year old mother lost her 4 children and husband in the tidal wave. Her 8 month old was in her arms when it hit and the waters separated them both. Later she found her son's body in the streets and actually carried him to the "death field."
The pain and drama of this is so intense. I got overwhelmed last nite. I dont even know how to pray. You feel like just crying to God. No words can express. The stories that I have heard are to much to bear. The pictures are heart rending.

If you havent and would like too. Support the relief.
I am making available to web links so that donations can be given to support. Right now these people need food, water, medicine, clothes and all. They lost everything. Gospel for Asia is a well respected missionary endeavor that I firmly trust. They are offering a link for support and also the Red Cross.




Big Gnome: miguel angel, son of margarito de la caridadd mesa

12.27.2004

There are more pictures posted on Mesaphoto's. If you care!

Lets talk about books. What are you reading? What do you think so far? And even better, why are you reading it? C'mon let's talk about this. I am very curious. There is lot's of substance in something like this.

12.26.2004

I have written and posted this for two reasons. This is a part of an on going conversation over two of my last three postings and what I have written is too much to have to break it up to make it fit in the meagerly sized comment boxes and also it makes this ongoing conversation more inviting to join while not always having to resort continually to the comment box. Unfortunately you still have to read the comment boxes to stay current on the conversation.

Our Christmas was good. We had the blessing of having a house full and with lots of babies, I think 7 in all. It was cool. We ate good stuff. Lotsa sugar, had some good Christmas instrumental melodies playing and than watched Fiddler on the Roof. Or at least it was playing while we hung out.
Our friends the Williams family, John and his wife Rebecca and there son's Isaac and newborn Ezra brought us some interesting junk gifts ranging from burned down house remnants to hard hats and toilet paper with a five dollar bill in the center of the roll. Truly creative to say the least. I hope you all had a good time as well.

I appreciate your genuine concern for my well being Mike. Those earlier days you mentioned were dark ones.

Your right Mike the work of having three newborns is substantially demanding. The constant care for these three whom at times have been constipated, overwhelmed by acid-reflux and difficult bowel operations does take a toll on the emotional and mental faculties while sapping physical strength. But aside from those times which do have a tendency to rob us of the joy of having these little gnomes we are truly grateful to God and would not have our lives be any other way if it meant not having them at all. These little gnomes make me laugh when I think of them while working out and about. There so cute! Often times Danae has the same effect on me while working. Her character and humor tickle me with wonder and laughter when I think about her antics. These little guys do so the same.

I have found myself at times just out of the blue pondering what still feels to me to be a horrific event of time when Danae gave birth to the boys and crashed later that nite. Seeing her colorless body and the spell she went into and through because of the sickness which was incredible drama brings about within me the beginnings of a gut wrenching pain, fear and intense sorrowful feeling. When those times of pondering do happen I immediately go to Danae and kiss her and remind her how much I love her and give thanks to God for sparing her beauty and life for me, her little gnomes and God's continuing story here for us and him.

Though we have the human labors of straining and striving to accommodate this new life with it's many demands our home is filled with God oriented hope for the now and the future as a family in God's community. There is much more beauty still to be found by me here in my life's home. It lies beneath the surface of all that is presently occurring through the continuous creation and transition of life waiting for it's time to be found and to find me. All the while beauty is still here.

I don't believe I am in a phase or was in a phase of wallowing. I have bemoaned the state of affairs of what have you but am not wallowing in it. Again I would mention here that the failings of fully communicating in word through this medium betrays the reality of the circumstances in it's fullest expressions. So while some may perceive my writing to be filled with misery (while I am sure that is not all I may have given impressions of in my writing) the truth of the matter is contrary.

The spiritual process of construction demands always that much is also being deconstructed. This is not an easy thing to experience and go through, but it is an awesome adventurous one. I would not trade my life in all it's complexities for anyone else's. I am firmly fixed on God's fearful and wonderful creation and expressions in me and others. I know that I am in all of my life experiences a vital part of the drama of God's history. So while life is hard and complex and demanding and all that good stuff, I really do feel like Indiana Jones, except the treasures for which I strive for are eternal; for both now and later.

There is no doubt or question to the reality that Satan does scheme and influence extremities of all sorts. That danger is always a posed risk. I and all of us must be vigilant to not get caught up into stuff that is essential and non-essential to the point where we miss the point or center of it all or the big picture, God who is all in all. Be careful how to read that statement. I am not speaking New Age here.

There are many things that are worth are while providing that we do not get caught up and lose the picture or miss the point. To some the "worth while" has great significance and valuable bearing to their life and expression of worship to God. To another that same worth while may not. And the reason for that can be manifold. We must remember that many that have come before us have pursued that which was a worth while pursuit and have contributed riches to others in indirect fashions. Their stories may not apply to us so easily because our context and theirs may have been different but nonetheless there is an effect that is felt. These pursuits will be proven worth while and valuably profitable to all directly or indirectly by the manner and attitude in which they are pursued. To do theology is the point.

I want to clarify what I wrote about earlier in the comment box about Romans 8:28. I wasn't assuming when I mentioned this verse that you were indirectly referring to it in your comment. I just was vaguely making a point to the cavalier attempts we make at applying "scriptural bandages" on people's wounds or confessions without really listening to the person. This has been my experience on both ends. I have many times attempted the application of my theology in the wrong fashion while missing the point of bearing one another's burdens.

12.25.2004

Hey folks I have finally started up a photopage with pics of the beans!! You can check it out here and in the future just click on Mesaphoto's under "other stuff." I will post when it is updated to let you all know. Just so you can keep up with how we look like in case you forget. :)

Peace and glad tidings unto you all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


hlepful

Your comments of my last post was helpful for me to really think about the things I vaguely wrote about and to assimilate practical sense out of it. I valued Riley's input and Mike's passion and thought provoking comments. Without them I would not of been able to better understand my own position on this and how to communicate it.
Mike Williams did make a comment indicating that it is not a bad thing for the church to take an already established pagan practice or holiday and make something christian out of it, or try to redeem it in some way I think. I agree with that, but to a certain degree. It is good for us the church to establish traditions that center on redemptive history and that also allocate ourselves into that history. But what I find troubling is if the church would take an already pagan holiday and just "christianize" it. I believe I was assuming much in that christmas was totally pagan in its practice and than Constantine or whomever just dressed it up with Jesus and other early Roman Catholic regalia. My history of this all may be way off in thinking that Constantine had anything to do with it. I am reminded of statues in Rome's vatican city that are supposed to be Peter, Paul and others but once were the actualy statues of Romes ancient god's. Or the Pope's outfit. Once the Roman religious traditional garb but than transferred over to Christianity. It's that kind of christianization that I find troubling and stange. I feel ashamed to be associated with that kind of unoriginal and manipulative practice.
Now I should not assume that this is the case entirely with Christmas. So I will revoke my ignorant raving on that.
Your comments have helped me to see better what I believe would be a good intention of the early church to establish a tradition that centers upon a piece of redemptive history. For that I am thankful.
But the idea of taking Saturnalia's December 25th and trying to usurping it reminds me of the competitive marketplace of our culture where you have gas stations on two corners of an intersection! It just strikes me as kinda sickening. Does anybody follow what I am saying?

Save a beaver, don't chop down any trees!

Have a day of merriment and wonderful joy in the presence of loved ones. Knowing that God has created the cornerstone of society the family community after his mysterious fellowship in the trinity. Laugh, hug, kiss, eat, drink, sing, think, reflect for tomorrow we will not die, for Christ lives!


12.21.2004

Holiday Blues

I do not know what to make of Christmas anymore. Last year I embarked on an almost 24 hour day of reading on what Christmas is and better where it came from. My findings led me to believe that Jesus was'nt even born on December 25th but that he was probably born somewhere around early fall or spring or something...it's been a while since I have read this stuff. Further, I believe it was the early church around the time of Constatine or so that adopted the Romans Saturnalian festivities involving the big bon-fire bash on the 25th of December and converted it into a "christian" holiday. Somewhere in there someone through in the idea of the birth of the incarnated God, Jesus. All the other through inns of our Christmas holiday if I am correct comes from other traditions as well the Romans. Back in the day I think it was the Scandinavians who placed our famous green fur the Pine into there living rooms except they hung them upside down. To them it was a symbol of the resilience of life even through the coldest and harshest times of life, winter. The Pine always keeps it's green and is all the more vibrant in its green glow with the backdrop of a white surrounding.
I suppose I could go on and on about all the things by which our Christmas receieved it's traditional substance but that is beyond the purpouse of my writing now. You can look it up on the web as well. Look up Christmas traditions or Saturnalia or something. Just make sure your looking at more than one source.
Anyway here is my beef. I dont know what to be cynical about it all but I dont know what to think about Christmas. Aside from the intense material driven consumeristic make me your christmas wish list stuff that makes me nauseated (figuratively) and totally misses the point of what Christmas is supposed to be the lack of realism to our Christian holiday makes me almost completely disenchanted and detached from it itself. To me it sounds like an absurd thing to do to take Halloween and than make a holiday that would be Christian in it's place. But than again I guess that's what All Saints Day is all about right?

I would like to write more on this issue because Christmas is so culturally and traditionally ingrained in me (and who is it not?) and I don't know what to make of it all now. I just want to talk about it. If any one is out there who has been thinking on such things as these than please comment or something.

I am too tired now and my mind is not clear enough to really write what I want so I will let this be as incomplete and meager in breadth as it is.

12.17.2004

Once again this is a test post. I am testing the Toolbar's Blog button. That is all.

New Terms for our Post-Modern Age:

Skanky-Rooster; Individuals or person who ignore or refuse to acknowledge the comment of another.

Chicken-Squash; Individuals or person whom are consumed with "much thinking," that "has made one mad." The chicken sqaush may or may not be percieved by another as inferior or superior in knowledge or informational capacitation.

miguel angel, son of margarito de la caridadd mesa


This is a test post. This is only a test post.

12.12.2004

mine

Awoke at 9:30 AM. Danae spent the night watching and nurturing the boys. She needed to get rest. I took over. It is now 9 minutes till 1 PM and I have been changing, feeding, holding, applying oral medicinal treatments since I awoke. The work has been one after another and often all at the same time. Right now all of the boys are crying. They have all been fed and changed. I cannot hold them all. I pick one up and he quiets down. Than I would set him down and he would start up again. They are all like that now. I simply cannot do it all. My mind needs some releasement. So that is why I am writing now. Even as they are all crying……Okay. I just went and burped Aidan and changed Asher’s poopy diaper. They are quiet now. Wait no, someone is crying now. I think it’s Jonah…..No, it was Asher. He wants his paci. He is now lying on my lap. I look down at him and see his little arm firmly pressing his pacifier into his face. He is happy. I on the other hand have been coming to the end of myself. I told them after doing what I could, “alright guys, you’ve slept, eaten, gotten medicine, been changed and held and now it’s time for you to just wail. Papi needs to get his head together.”

Playing in the living room near the boys is a compilation of classic pieces titled “Quietude.” Indeed!

**************************************************************************************

Aside from my own personal reading of books I have also done some blog and article readings. Also, very casual conversations on issues that are of pertinence to my pilgrimage. All these things coupled with mine and Danae’s present life has developed into a culmination of intense torrentlike pent up emotion. I know very well these emotions are embodied by thoughts pertaining to all the aforementioned. My heart desperately wants to have a communicative releasment of these things. I am much like a geyser that erupts when the pressure gets to be apropos.


To me this writing is equally resembling of the psalms of scripture. Not all of my and our writing is equally resembling psalm style but those which are personal in journal nature. Much like the writings of the people of old which are recorded in the psalms my own writing is the psalms of my own human experience. In them is seen my attitudes and thoughts. Maybe not perfectly but as close as I can pen them to be. In my writings are the interest and aspirations of my life. This is my reflective psalm.

I have told people that I do not like where I am at in my journey. I have told people that “my journey is crappy right now.” This is not to say that I do not know or even see some of the positive elemental qualities. I use the word crappy for lack of another word. I don’t think I mean shit either. Maybe crappy is very misleading. I believe the word is frustrating. It is a time of great frustration. Much is in transition. I am getting sick of using these words but they are I believe most appropriate; reconstruction. To reconstruct involves deconstruction. And when that happens in the internal being it is difficult and much confusion, perplexion and detachment occurs. There is also fear. Fear of being labeled by those who would be quick to judge and slow to listen and think. Fear of not being allowed to vocally express my journey in the community of God’s people. And to think the latter is very indicative of the condition of the church.

I don’t know if I will be able to journal, blog post or verbally converse all of this meta-physical substance. But knowing something of myself the actual communication of it may take form in an unintentional cryptic form. Like in a cryptic poem or song. Poetic language of the soul maybe is the best description or embodiment of the dialogue within our heart. After all communication is poetry in and of itself. It just sounds different allot of times. The manifold tongues of humanity and the talk of children to adults is tell-tale of this.

I am hesitant to post this. Maybe it’s because I fear that by doing it I will cut off this dialogue of mine. It already has become therapeutic to me.

12.10.2004

Our boys appear to be getting better with the colick. It has not been easy. They have been miserable lately and it has taxed everyone here at the house who has been living here and has helped. All except for bubby. His feliness is undetered. A model of stoicism.

Check out and join the conversation at Riley's. His question is striking. The thought raises a possible need on some reconstruction of our "systems" thinking. It poses healthy musings. I would love to here your opinions on the matter. And while were at it lets brand Mr. Kern a "LIBERAL!!!!" :)

Hope to see you there at Messy Sainthood.

12.07.2004

As well aching

I just read Scotty Miller's blog. His words a very akin to my own journey now.
I dont know what to say right now. I am home from work. Danae is taking a knap. Aidan, Jonah and Asher are actually sleeping and in quiet mode now. They have colic bad. It has been crazy today I hear from Danae and her mother Susan. It gets to be very overwhelming dealing with the boy's problems. They are almost always miserable now.

You know I write thinking that their are a few of you out there listening. And you may. I am thankful for that. I hope to be listening well to you also. But this is a lousy way to get what I really want. And that is lively exchange. Scotty is saying it. That's what I want too. Although a helpful medium the internet is a lousy way to have community. It is theraputic nonetheless to write; to "click away."

I want to love more. I want to embody the way of Iesou. I know it is one of the most powerful ways to have fellowship with Him.

12.04.2004

Friday nite Grace and Vanity?

We had the fortunate grace of God given unto us last nite by way of the Churchills babysitting for Danae and I while we went out for dinner. Not only did they babysat but they are sleeping with Aidan and Asher in our living room even as I write this! Their awesome. God is good.

Danae really yearned to get out of the house for a bit. We weren't out that long because I have to work this morning but it was good nonetheless. We went and ate at Applebees and had good conversation. One thing that really sticks out in my mind that we talked about was how we are self-conscious about whether or not people or someone would know that we look in the mirror at ourselves to see how we look and to prepare ourselves according to our sense of aesthetics'. We both laughed about this because neither of us want to give the impression to the other that we're ate up with ourselves. We deliberately avoid being seen gazing in the mirror!!
But does not this prove that we are "ate up" with ourselves? Maybe.
We all have an aesthetic beauty that we are attracted too and desire to have when it comes to ourselves. We are creatures that are artistic. We like to see symmetry, blend and balance, controlled chaotic beauty and the abstract in a certain style. To want to look like how we want to look according to these things are not necessarily evil. I think civilization is more ate up with it's own beauty more than in ancient past since we have better mirrors and an entire host of other regalia conducive tofeeding our narcissistic vain inclinations. But again in and of itself the aesthetic beauty and desire for it of the creature man is not wrong. But surely has become and can become perverted. But it also can be redeemed.
I dont like to give the impression to others that I am ate up with myself because I dont want to appear to them to be conceited or so very vain because............ta ta da da!!!!! It's a shameful and humiliating thing to be so!
So while I will say that I do like to look good and presentable according to my aesthetic moorings as much as I can and I also that I am in danger of being ate up with myself to the point that it becomes shamefully narcissistic. So what do you think about yourself in the mirror? Do you hate looking into the mirror? Do you feel like a vain creature? How about your spouse or anyone else; do you avoid being seen by them when your looking in the mirror? What constitutes being ate up with yourself? We can appear to ourselves that we are alright when it comes to mirror action but when in our relationships we are selfish and thinking and doing less for those around us, whats the point of just talking about the mirror? Our actions in front of the mirror can and may also be indicative of or condition.

Let's talk about this. Lines are open.