8.14.2004

It is 10 PM and I thought I would do a little writing. I am not really in the mood to write but I will. I think it will help keep me a little "creative" to kill the idle feeling's that have developed from bad habit's of mind and possibly to much coffee intake.
Danae is going to be in the hospital indefinitely. Her pregnancy poses substantial risks for the beans and things have come along in such a way that it is best that she remain where she can recieve the best attention and care. I agree. Although the idea of being in the hospital for the remainder of her pregnancy is not fun ( I speak for Danae more than myself) we know it to be the best thing for her and the beans.
I am very excited to see them.
It is challenging to visualize an outcome of humanisticly speaking great expectations. Like all potential parents my desire is to see my children born healthy, whole and matured physically. The thought of seeing them with undeveloped lungs and brains is frightening and sad. Even worse is the thought of having them stillborn. Danae has borne much pain, discomfort and challenges that occupy all spheres of her personality and humaness. To see our beans not come into this life at all would be a very hard reality to embrace. To see our beans come into this world with difficulties would be an easier reality to embrace but no less hard. We want them. What I want in the frontal lets of the eyes of my heart is to see the beautiful and unfailing sublime wisdom of God working itself out through all I see, especially in mine and Danae's journey in this pregnancy. Truly it is that what God brings about is perfect regardless to how our limited perception, understanding and emotional experience interprets it all. And come what may God is dear and near through it and not aloof. God the Father was near to His Son in the most despairing and awe-filled moments of His life.
Prayer is a great mystery to me, as I am sure it is to all. Our petitions have a role and bearing on how the will of God works and is carried out. I will keep praying that my sons come strong and sound to experience this life with a view of God's Kingdom.
There is no doubt that what holds for Danae and I in however this all turns out to be will be so that our experience in this life will be one that is viewed through the lens of God's Kingdom and ever more increasingly.
May Christ be formed in us.
Lord be to us your people the strength to embrace what comes for the sake of life as you are working it in and through us.
Lord of life form the beauty of Jesus the Logos in us to be One with you in this life eternal.
Lord of sublime holy mystery bring about the desire of your people according to your working within us.
There is no life without you.
Give us what is ours in Our life with you, Lord. Amen.

Thank you for listening and praying with me.